Return flight from hell

Saturday, April 15, 2006, 10:47 a.m.

By Terry R. Cassreino

HATTIESBURG, Miss. - Call it the plane ride from hell in which our new daughter suddenly and shockingly turned into the living manifestation of Regan McNeil.
While her head didn’t spin like “The Exorcist” character, Camryn screamed and cried almost non-stop Friday on our four-hour flight from Hong Kong to Tokyo and 11-hour flight from Tokyo to Detroit.
Camryn was miserable, and, damn it, she was going to let us know. Can you blame her?
She’s a year and a week old, she’s been jolted from her life in a Chinese orphanage and thrown together with two strange people who speak and weird language.
That’s not all: Camryn also lived a few days in one hotel in Nanchang, in another one for several days in Guangzhou, and in a third one for two nights in Hong Kong.
And she’s still surrounded by two strange people who don’t look like the Chinese adults she’s been with all year and who speak that strange-sounding English language.
With all that combined, why wouldn’t she be miserable during 24 hours of traveling half-way around the world to her new home, new family and equally strange new surroundings?
Despite all that, the plane ride from hell was just that - HELL.
And even though Camryn’s inability to calm down and sleep for more than three hours was part of the problem, our three separate flights also sucked for other reasons.
How and why were they bad? Well, let’s look at the myriad of reasons.

Airline food
Pam and I flew Northwest from Hong Kong to Tokyo, Tokyo to Detroit and Detroit to Jackson. The last leg was on a 50-seat jet operated by Pinnacle Airlines.
The Hong Kong to Tokyo leg served breakfast: Bland, scrambled eggs topped with nasty salsa, one link of sausage that tasted like paper and coffee that had no flavor.
The Tokyo to Detroit leg served dinner that included a disgusting Thai-like chicken dish on top of rice. When Pam accidentally toppled her tray of food on to me, a bad dish grew worse.
Also on the Tokyo to Detroit leg, flight attendants served a foul tasting spice cake as a snack and another breakfast meal (at noon, go figure that one out) that also wasn’t worth eating.

Flight attendants
Pam and I can’t figure out why the flight attendants were such jerks when we flew on March 27 from Detroit to Tokyo and then when we flew on Friday from Tokyo to Detroit.
On both flights, the men and women attendants were snippy, mean, grouchy, and all-around miserable to deal with. They seemed to detest their job, and it showed.
And heaven forbid if you asked them a question or requested a favor.
Pam asked the male attendant on the return flight for hot water so she could warm food for Camryn. You’d have thought she asked him if she could fly the plane.
The flight attendant got the water for her, but he was a jerk about it.

Unsympathetic passenger
Pam and I had seats in the middle of the center aisle of our return flight. Single seats flanked both sides of us, so Pam planned to ask one of those passengers to switch places.
The reason: We had a 1-year-old baby and were traveling 10-11 hours overseas and overnight. Pam wanted easy access to the aisle so she could walk with Camryn.
When we boarded the plane 30 minutes before take-off, Pam took the aisle seat. The man whose seat that was arrived just before takeoff; when Pam asked him to switch, he refused.
“Fine then,” an angry Pam told him. “I’ve got a baby and I’ll just let you know that I’ll be crossing over your feet repeatedly throughout the flight to walk with her. So be prepared.”
The man stared at her and sat down.
Luckily a second man who had the single seat on the opposite aisle offered to switch places with Pam, which she did. It turned out the man was a pastor of a church in the Midwest.

Rough flight
The flight from Tokyo had a rough landing In fact, it was so rough I thought the plane was going to tip over on its side when it hit the runway.
The flight from Detroit to Jackson also had a rough ascent and descent. The rocking was so intense, it left Pam and me nauseous.

Bottom line
That said - and taking into consideration our child’s miserable ride - Pam and I have decided we’ll never ride Northwest again. I’ve heard too many other families who were adopting praise other airlines, so I’m sure we could find something more enjoyable next time.

Copyright 2006 by Terry R. Cassreino.