By Terry R. Cassreino
HATTIESBURG – Camryn’s official citizenship documents arrived in the mail today.
So now it's official. Well, actually, Camryn became a U.S. citizen as soon as we landed in Detroit on Friday, April 14, and we all went through the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services checkpoint.
The certificate is just a little lagniappe. Actually, it’s kind of cool-looking and features an official U.S. seal. It even spells out Camryn's full American name: Camryn Ai Hua Cassreino. And it has a color mug shot of the baby.
Too bad I can’t post a copy of it here on this blog. A statement on the certificate says clearly that any photographs or duplication of the certificate is against the law and punishable by public hanging in the town square of a major American city to be determined at a later date.
Hey, but Camryn did receive a signed form letter from President George Bush. The old prez himself said in the letter that he was extremely glad and proud that someone like Camryn decided to become a proud citizen of the United States of America.
Geez, with all the problems Bush is facing in the polls across America (skyrocketing gasoline prices; an ongoing, pointless, unnecessary war in Iraq; the foot-dragging he has done and continues to do in, first, saving, and, then, rebuilding New Orleans, Southeast Louisiana and the Mississippi Gulf Coast), you'd think his office would have been able to realize that Camryn IS A BABY FOR GOD’S SAKES.
She didn’t choose to come here (although, I maintain that had she known beforehand that I was going to be her father she would have had her bags packed, her Sunday-best on, her plane ticket in hand, all the paperwork completed and be ready to go the minute Pam and I arrived at the Gloria Plaza Hotel in Nanchang, China).
Pam and I made the decision for her to be a U.S. citizen. And we are glad we did.
Oh well. C’est la vie. On with the show
So let’s move on to the photos in today’s gallery. These may not be the most exciting (I’ll have some better ones after a trip to New Orleans for a wedding anniversary dinner with Pam on Monday), but they are all I have to offer.
One final note – the dates and times marked on the photos are wrong because my camera is still on Beijing time. Sorry.
Here goes:
PHOTO 1
Camryn stages a sit-in in our master bedroom. This was on Sunday, April 30, before we packed up and headed to Slidell for the weekend (yes, the weekend because I am off on Sundays and Mondays). Camryn refused to budge. She sat there for hours. We had to get a crow bar to remove her from the carpet.
PHOTO 2
Well, after we removed Camryn from the floor we piled in our Toyota Camry and headed for Slidell. When we got there, my mother informed us that my aunt, Rose Caffery, and my cousins (her daughters) Kelly and Melynn, wanted to see Camryn. So we piled back in the Camry and drove to Metarie. I hadn’t seen Aunt Rose in a few years and rarely see Kelly or Melynn. They look pretty much the same. Here they are in Aunt Rose's house.
PHOTO 3
Kelly, right, laughs at the fact that I have more hair on my legs than I do on my fat head. Some things just never change.
PHOTO 4
In this group shot in Aunt Rose's living room Kelly, right, and Melynn, left, pretend to enjoy my company. Notice how I take up three-fourths of the sofa. I thought I lost weight on the trip to China. Ha. Fat chance. Oh, sitting on my lap is innocent little Camryn. She actually behaved herself quite well. No temper tantrums. No spinning heads. No pea soup. No profanity. An angel.
PHOTO 5
Hours later, I was back at my mother’s FEMA trailer. Here I am in the dining room – inches away from the master bedroom, the spare bedroom and the bathroom – looking up at the television are thinking this is a small trailer. A real small trailer.
PHOTO 6
Oh, now how in the hell did this photo sneak in here? This is back at our house in Hattiesburg AFTER the trip to Slidell. Camryn is sitting on my lap while my mother demonstrates how to play a drum the baby just received as a gift. My mother came back with Pam and Camryn because Pam fell out of my mother's FEMA trailer and sprained her ankle. Ouch.
PHOTO 7
OK, now we are back to Slidell. Here is Camryn sitting in the spare bedroom of the FEMA trailer having fun while Mommy looks on in the background.
PHOTO 8
Just who in the hell organized these photos? Fire the jerks. These are completely out of order. This one is at Aunt Rose's house and is a group shot. I tried t oget in the photo, but was ordered out. They were afraid my natural good looks would steal all attention away from themselves. So I said fine, let them have their day in the sun. See if I care.
PHOTO 9
Back home in Hattiesburg. I just finished giving Camryn a shave. Her beard was especially thick. If you look hard, you can even see a little bit of the shaving cream on her face. I’m still thinking about just letting her beard grow and then possibly enter her in one of those carnival side shows you see at events like the Mississippi State Fair in Jackson in October. I remember at the Gulf Coast Fishing Rodeo in Gulfport one year I went to see the world’s fattest man. I paid $5, got suckered into the room and saw a guy eating food. But let me tell you, I’ve seen fatter people grazing at the trough at those all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets or the all-you-can-eat casino restaurants. You want to see people who could stand to go on a 10-year fast and not suffer health effects? Stop by one of those buffets.
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